為什麼在失敗過後我還是老樣子???

其實有些時侯真的想有個人去推一推這個呆在路邊看著別人掉下的橙溜過的小朋友.
"喂!不要只顧坐在一邊看呀!走去拾也好呀!珍惜一點自己好不好??"

有些時侯又想要一個可以令毫無自信的小朋友恢復一點自信的人,一個在小朋友自大的時侯把小朋友抓回地面的人, 一個在小朋友procrastinate時把小朋友抓回去工作的人..可惜這個人不是奧雲....
(作詩o耶作詩o耶!!!)

多謝MOOMOO小姐歷盡千辛萬苦幫我找來我要的歌o耶!

徵求: 楊小姐n年前的"假如讓我說下去"mp3!!!

要幹活去了....唉....為什麼我的命這麼悲???

來年的NEW YEAR RESOLUTION頭幾項已經訂好了,還有的那些大概之後才訂吧...
長線目標:
1. 在澳洲,香港,加拿大也要買層樓比某人住
2. 在加拿大要買層樓比自己住,買多層樓比笨爸與笨媽收租
3. 要實現1,2 就要好好地讀書...first hon畢業,搵過好好好好老闆
...
短線目標
1. 要令威小dd在下次一起外出時多多說話
2. 要將樽醋好好地收入調味櫃入面的調味架內
3. 要在適當時將樽鹽從調味櫃拿出來,在適當時收埋...
4. 自己忙自己的不要再像之前一樣...只要依著自己的進度前進便行了...
5. 要做到忘情忘愛忘恨,除了親情與純友情,不過靚仔唔怕多望! (唉,前幾日病了的時侯出街車笨妹去睇眼又見到青靚白淨醫生....不過他殘了很多o耶...亦沒有之前那麼好玩了般....嗚...青蛙回歸記???我不要o耶!!!不過醫生哥哥是我見過咁多個著西裝o既"後生"仔之中著得第二好睇o既一個... 第一個著得好睇o既唔知幾時先會再見到lu...)

寫住咁多先....原本今天回到樹屋是要做很多很多正經o野的..不過我諗今日都係做唔到去最最最緊要的那樣的喇...唉...
短線目標 6. 不要再procrastinate...短期專一總好過無時專一!!!

病了的這幾天想了很多很多,生活過得遊閑但卻真的想了很多... 從別人想到自己,從身邊想到自身...或許這是藍天伯伯要我好好的在廿歲仔第一個新年前好好的反醒一下自己吧... 要我cancel晒d bookings跟笨小戇好好的談一談...

記得收到過一個e-mail,其中一句是說"討厭一個人是因為你想成為那個人..."如果真的是這樣的話..討厭其實也只是因嫉妒而起...跟自悲的小戇談了好久好久,然後雖然沒有什麼有用的結論但終究還是決定了要將樽醋好好的收入調味架內....有些嫉妒真的會變得很惡毒的....我不要這樣的自己..不要這樣的小戇...

跟小戇獨處的這幾天,除了笨家之外,真的不想看到任何人甚至不想聽到任何人的聲音...不想說話....至少在樽醋徹徹底底地被封入調味架之前不想跟那些喜歡問小戇借醋的人說話....日日就是埋首在四大才子之中....這個假期最大的得著就是終於看完了才子...

你問我現在生活過得怎樣....從前無論是好是壞,我也會老實回答....現在....我只是勉強的笑一笑,然後用一貫的語氣說著那常說的一句:"ok啦!"

就是這樣...這樣的陌生這麼的無奈...因為說真的,我也不知道現在自己到底是開心還是不開心...總之是老套的一句...比上不足比下有餘...這段日子不是有生以來最難過的,再難挨的我也已經挨過去...這段日子不是有生以來最快樂的,最快樂的已在不知不覺中過去了...

今天下晏好晏好晏先起身...然後好勇咁熄o左部電腦唔比自己上網..逼自己一定要睇完d physics notes...雖然中途"目訓"o左幾粒鐘...跟住又起身再逼自己溫書...睇完先准食晚飯...睇到最尾係求其睇幾睇就算...但係睇到個reviewo架陣先發現原來唔係retaino左好多..正確o黎講係一d都retain唔到...點算好???叫做睇完dnotes但又一d都唔記得...咁點算..宜家直頭又坐o向部電腦前唔想再返去讀書..咁點算呀???點算???

我無事喇!!!除o左雙手有少少微軟酸痛...昨天一定是用力不當..但係點解唔係我對腳o既???

昨晚以為自己在作病...但係原來只是運動過量...都幾好笑..."目訓"醒一覺..好返d喇...望出去,ET外星人沒有留下痕跡.....
今天熊貓超人一定要好好努力努力!!!!!CONCENTRATE不了就要想辦法解決的了!!!!!!

I'm telling myself one thing but i'm doing another thing.. and then deep down inside, two voices are speaking.. "Yes, show them that you are not just something useless.. " "NO.. just forget it.. you can never ever be something useful.. " NO. I don't want competition.. but sometimes.. I just found that it's hard to snap out of it when someone is doing that comparison.. I HATE IT.. It could be just me.. but then I just have this feeling.. what can I do? Give me a break.. just forget about your superiority for a moment and think... drop your pretence.. I absolutely hate this.. if You don't like something just speak out instead of putting on an attitude exhibition.. crap.. ... and I hate myself becuz of this and becuz of you.. and furthermore I hate myself more becuz you have made me realize the fact that I'm useless and I'm not working hard enough to change my status.. SHXX.

good..got that out of my system.. FYI.. just in case you were thinking that "YOU" is you.. it's probably not you..(or it could be you..if you so want it to be.. ) I don't intend on that "you" to be reading this anyways.. and I'm just using "you" becuz I just feel like it.. and it's more direct as if I'm yelling at that person.. oh well. this whole thing could be just me anyways.. tomolo i might regret what I put.. but anyways.. "you" probably won't be reading this anyways.. and if "you" do read this.. well then "you" probably won't know I'm talking about "you" anyways.. so GOOD..

ANYWAYS...出面又下著雪了...或許,我還是回去嘗試再一次溫書好了..sigh...為什麼每一次下雪的日子總不能好好地以好心情去欣賞飛舞中的天使..又或者為什麼白色衣裳的小精靈為什麼總不會給我帶來歡樂???明天...又會有tic tac toe外星人在樹屋下留下來過的痕跡...只是我還是不能好好的近距離看一看...明天..不如去拉記溫習吧...

"There are some ppl on earth that are just so good at making ppl go into depression.. " Yes I know I'm stupid.. Yes I know I'm nothing compared to other ppl and you.. and I'm just one of those normal ppl whose existence on earth doesn't mean anything to the world or watsoever.. I KNOW THAT.. and I surely don't need ppl to give me the ATTITUDE that makes me more like scum.. or even lower than scum on earth.. if you don't want me to bug you.. just say so.. and you don't have to go into all the depths to HINT that I'm just stupid.. sometimes some troubles can be saved if you just do a simple thing.. and then I DON'T EVEN have to bug you or talk to you then.. but NO.. sometimes I just think that you are neglecting all these simple things just to show your superiority.. you have done your job.. you may deny you may argue.. but I think deep down inside.. you are just happy.. YES I fxxking know that I'm plain stupid despite of my own free will.. but there is nothing I can do.. Things just used to come easy... now it doesn't.. my life was simpler then. but not now.. sometimes.. i just keep on telling myself that one day I'll let the whole world see that I'm not a worthless scum.. but moments like this.. i'm just torn..

睡醒之後...內疚..然後逼自己看完個topic先准食晚飯....但係一路看一路吃零食..yeah so much for 逼自己...然後勉強的看完但又完全的retain唔到...走了去食今日下晏食剩隻肥油雞...之後就一直上網...唔想再返去溫書???但係其實根據我個schedule睇..我今晚其實係應該要睇晒我d lecture noteso架...oh well so much for that as well...一路上網其實都覺悶..但又偏偏唔想返去讀書...msgo左好多個online的人....希望找到一點點的希望/慰藉....然後...一邊跟幾個人msg..一邊將自己很久沒好好存檔的blogs與沒有publisho既journal好好的分返files存返起...然後由於自己再一次過份的sensitive...過份的介懷...過份的moody..再一次心情不好...而下了一個結論:

又無mood讀書...點算好...

今天一早起來跟笨友x2 去了做占..是,又去做占..因為近排實在食得太多雜糧...
之後又去了gain weight..咁樣唔係辦法....lose完又食過...仲要係食d油諗諗o既o野..真係唔係辦法...次後有人上來畫畫畫塗鴉完一番還好像不想離去的樣子...幸好有人還要去瞎拼..要不以某人的性格看來是c也不會走的了..哈哈哈...不過跟天使與文迪在一起的時侯大概是今天最高興最無憂的時侯...... 她們走了以後...小笨友讀了不夠五分鐘又睏了.走了去睡....然後笨爸打來跟睡夢中的小笨友說了些東西...到現在其實還是不太清楚他打來的目的是什麼...大概是電視劇還未做,沒什麼世藝所以便打來跟無聊人無無聊聊一番吧..

笨媽回來了....isometric..等多我一個星期...dc小朋友..等多我六日...等熊貓超人好好的打完剩下o個兩仗便會回來跟你們見面的了...為什麼沒有影下很多很多的相???我想看o耶...isometric..等我呀!!!!meanwhile..這個weekend還是真的不要回家的好...要不真的會玩物x志的...在樹屋雖然心散但都叫做有一兩個字係productiveo既...回到家..見到新成員...便會忙著打招呼的了o耶...好了...為了isometric...我要努力努力...未來六日...有三餐晚餐將會食tv dinner...仲有三餐有人請就最好..無人請就睇下食乜好...唔...好了我都要好似劉醫生咁determined先得...不過無得上網無得blogging...在樹屋我真的會挨不下去的o耶..唯有上少dd算啦.........:p

睇HP時的感動/發現:
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE對HP說PHOENIX是一種很神奇的生物,因為它們會死去然後化死灰燼,在灰燼中又會重生..它們有著永恆的生命力...只是當DUMBLEDORE的大特寫影在PHOENIX身後的時侯,那一刻我很想念死去的RICHARD HARRIS... 說這番話的人己經死了...曾經說過:"DEATH IS BUT YET ANOTHER ADVENTURE"的人死了...除了他之外,好像真的沒有人會比他更像DUMBLERDORE的了...嗚嗚嗚...

忽然一句/兩句/三句:
我心入面有條刺..我FEEL到某人心裡也有條刺...我知,在我心內的那條刺或許不應該存在...或許..在我來說當然它的存在是理所當然的..但只要用心想一想其實或許未必...某人的刺我不知道它的生存是不是justifiable..因為我不是某人心裡的蟲...那條刺在那裡是什麼我也不知道...我就是討厭猜猜猜遊戲,不妥便說出來...不要在背後跟別人靜靜討論.....不會有些什麼改進的...只會令自己的刺越陷越深...

發覺有人其實都是超級的好勝...跟從前(/現在??)的小笨友不相伯仲....要不是小笨友在心情好時盡量抑壓自己,不知道兩個好勝的人吵過了多少遍了...

唔..睏了,還是回去睡一睡然後好好開始prep好了...

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腰茶島第三次大戰第二仗~~THERMO精
THERMO精一出招便要笨小戇熊貓超人屈服...居然要小笨友說埋晒d好嘔心的東西: "Where is the Thermo?" "It's EVERYWHERE." 但沒有辦法o耶...THERMO精實在是太厲害了...連熊貓超人也逃不過這一招,幸好熊貓超人也不太弱喇,懂得用這個苦肉計來避開THERMO精的法眼!!!不算太順利地過了THERMO精的第一關....第二關...妖精一出招,熊貓超人立刻自打三掌高呼: "為什麼??為什麼沒有專心地鍛鍊??為什麼沒有把敵人的一招一式完全徹底記下來,為什麼?????????????"

沒精打采的熊貓超人一邊自打,一邊躲避thermo精的攻擊...難得挨過了兩個小時... 已經完全散晒...

熊貓超人自己知道自己沒有好專心好專心地溫書..所以今次失敗不干任何人的事...可是歷史在對THERMO精之後又再一次上演喇...欲知詳情,請看下回分解...(終於有點睏了..好o耶...)